Integrity to me is maintaining high standards of honesty & ethics at all times; living our values. Values are the innermost motivation behind what we want. They drive your behavior and whatever you do is done to fulfill a value even if this is often subconscious.
Our children have access to everything on WWW with a click of a button. So, what is going to stop them from visiting XYZ sites? What is going to stop them from sharing photos of themselves that is not safe for others to see?
A study was conducted in Texas and I read the paper. The study was conducted with more than 2300 high school students:
The paragraph below is from the paper
“This summer, while teaching an internet safety class, I was sharing that 70%-90% of high school teens are sharing their nude photos to friends and strangers online. I was asked what I thought contributed to the small percentage of teens that don’t share their nude photos online.” “I shared my belief that the small percentage of kids who don’t share their nude photos are the kids who have strong family values and a strong sense of self-worth.” “I know there are some parents who will take this personally but I will say that very few kids have any idea what family values are. I know this because I ask many kids about family values and self-worth and maybe 1 in 100 students can state their family values.” “So where do kids get family values and self-worth?
The keyword mentioned here are: Family Values and Self Worth
I was brought up in a small town, Went to an all-girls school. I grew up with parents who never spoke to us about boys and when we turned a teenager our hormones made us tickle when we saw boys. But we were not sure who to talk to. I remember that the word “Value” was used a lot but it was confused with Family Rules. We were just scared and curious. The word “Value” here means what we practice, not preach.
Someone behaves better when they feel better
Feel valued
Feel like they are important
Feel like they can contribute
Feel good factor
Their purpose
Old people, feel worthless. They start acting up for attention.
Children feel worthless like they are here to do what we tell them only. They start acting up for attention.
A similar study was done in Malaysia
They were comparing the influence of parents versus peers on teens when it comes to internet addiction (over usage) + risky online behavior (includes porn, gambling, meeting strangers, and sharing personal information).
These were the findings of the study:
1- A secure attachment with the parent has a stronger influence on children than their peers when it comes to the internet over-usage. That means that when children have good relationships with their parents, they tend to be at a lower risk for electronic addiction even if they have friends who use more electronics.
2- Having said that, peer influence overweighs the filial (family) relationship when it comes to risky internet behaviors BUT
3- Parent mediation negates the effects of peer influence. So it’s the MEDIATION that helps even if the relationship alone is not enough. (Back to Point Number 1)
This is what we can all do. I have a daughter too and we are already working on this.
1- Have open and honest discussions (that are not lectures) with your kids from early on.
2- Talking clearly about what risks the internet carries (practicing vulnerability here can really help). You can share real-life situations from your life but don’t make judgments that your child will do the same.
3- Use resources like www.amaze.org to talk about what is and isn’t ok.
4- Come up with a plan with your child of what they can do if they make a mistake and how you’ll respond with understanding and compassion (that you must be demonstrating in other areas of their life).
- So start building their self-worth from today, it’s never too late to start.
- Let them help in the way they can
- Allow them to give ideas about games and activities to do
- Participate and Respeced in family conversations
- Family meetings – my favorite
- They should have a say in the choice of their colour of clothes
- Discuss the weekly grocery shopping – what vegetable/fruit to buy
- Empower them on a daily basis
- Let them problem solve, engage them, ask them what, how not why too much
Book of the month: The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality by Dr. Henry Cloud
Do your own Integrity Inventory here: https://drive.google.com/drive/u/1/folders/1FrVg0jQ2OrWSPwGd37vEyukqRPo2c9Ve
Sending you love, Denee
